With Fear and Tremors, I Spoke Anyway: My Journey to Reclaiming My Voice

“Nerves and fear have got in the way of sharing all of who I am, and today—with courage, prayer, and the gentle grace of this season—I begin again. Not perfectly. Not loudly. But truthfully. And with wonder, I choose to show up as my full self.”

This isn’t just a quote—it’s a lived reality. It’s the honest beginning of Season 2, Episode 1 of Silent Screams, Loud Strength, now streaming. It’s the story of how I found my voice, not in the absence of fear, but in the middle of it.

For years, I let fear and nerves take up space where my truth belonged. I second-guessed myself before I ever opened my mouth. I worried if my voice trembled, it wouldn’t be taken seriously. But there came a moment when I realized that the cost of staying silent was greater than the risk of being heard. That moment changed everything.

Embracing My Voice With Fear and Tremors

There’s a myth that bravery is loud and polished, that courage always looks confident. That’s not my story.

My truth is quieter. It shakes sometimes. It is carried on a breath that doesn’t always feel strong. But it is mine, and I no longer ask permission to speak it.

I didn’t wake up one day fearless. I chose, trembling, to show up anyway.

For survivors, especially those who have been silenced by abuse, systems, and shame, reclaiming our voice is not an event—it is a process. A sacred rebellion. And often, it begins with the words we whisper to ourselves in private: I am allowed to speak.

The Power of Showing Up As My Full Self

I used to offer the world only the parts of me I thought were palatable: the capable woman, the creative mind, the composed survivor. But not the parts of me that still cried in the dark. Not the woman who had panic attacks before hearings. Not the girl who once believed she didn’t deserve to be heard.

That’s changed.

Now I show up as my full self—not to perform, but to be present. Not to prove, but to live freely. My wholeness is no longer hidden behind perfectionism. It is found in my willingness to be fully seen—even when it’s uncomfortable.

I am not what was done to me. I am what I choose to do with what remains.

Speaking Is Sacred Defiance

When I speak—on the podcast, in court, in prayer, or simply at the river—I am reclaiming space in a world that tried to take it from me. Every word I offer is a quiet defiance. A refusal to be erased.

I speak not because it’s easy, but because it’s necessary.

I speak for my son.
I speak for the girl I used to be.
I speak for the women who are still afraid.
And I speak because my silence was never consent.

In a world that rewards silence and punishes survivors for their grief, speaking at all is a radical act. And I intend to keep doing it—with fear, with tremors, and with truth.

To Every Survivor Reading This

You don’t need to wait until your voice is steady to use it.

You don’t need to be polished to be powerful.

Your story—your real, raw, unedited truth—deserves to be spoken, written, and heard. Whether you whisper it through tears or shout it into the wind, what matters most is that it’s yours.

Let this be your season to begin again. Not perfectly. Not loudly. But truthfully. Just as you are.

Season 2, Episode 1 of Silent Screams, Loud Strength is now streaming.
This is my beginning again.
May it meet you in yours.

—

Samantha
Author of Homeless, Not Defeated | Healing Within | The Little Voice That Roared
Host of Silent Screams, Loud Strength
Founder of Stillness Meets Strength